What Happens When I Don’t Masturbate

The title of this article makes me smile. My experiment with quitting alcohol and caffeine for a month reminded me of time in high school when I bet a friend that I wouldn’t masturbate for 40 days and nights.

It all started with the terrible film 40 days and 40 nights starting Josh Hartnett. In the movie, player Hartnett completes a bet that he can go 40 days without sexual contact. When the movie was over I turned to my friend Eric and said, “I bet I could go 40 days without masturbating.” Sexual contact with a female was rare enough at the time.

We debated for several minutes about whether or not it was possible. “I bet you 10 bucks I can do it,” I said. Eric gladly accepted the bet. I have no idea why I said 10 when I could have got at least 50.

But regardless, the ridiculous bet was on.

The first few weeks of the bet were difficult, to say the least. In the beginning, I considered just giving in and coughing up the 10 bucks. Later, I considered cheating without telling anyone. But I knew that was wrong. I had to win this bet for my manhood.

Things got interesting around the 30 day mark. I had already pushed through the hardest days – pun completely intended because I was I waking up every morning to Mount Everest under the covers. I knew I was going to make it all the way but I started getting some unexpected side-effects.

The bet took place in the heart of the basketball season. Our team began league play undefeated, as did our rivals, the Cougars.

I was having a pretty insignificant season at that point. Bad knees and plenty of excuses were hurting my performance on the court. But when it came time to face the Cougars for first place bragging rights, I was completely backed up, my tanks completely full.

The highly anticipated showdown got underway with me riding the bench. I waited, a little more anxious than usual, to get my chance to play. When the coach called my number near the end of the first quarter, I was ready.

The Cougars star point guard, a top college prospect who went on to play at SDSU, and might be in jail as I write this, licked his lips as he watched me enter the court. He was thinking he had fresh meat.

When the first shot left my hands, I knew this game was different. Nothing but the bottom of the net. I only took 3 shots in the first half, making 2 three-pointers.

The second half was a completely different animal. I suddenly became unstoppable. At first the Cougar’s star stuck to guarding the better players, but as I drained shots, he was assigned to me.

I thanked him for his efforts by hitting a couple turn around jump shots in his face.

I was pointing at people, slapping teammates asses, and enjoying myself for the first time in a long time. “Wow, basketball is awesome when you score.” But the real heroics were yet to come.

With under a minute in the game, I was still making shots, but I was getting winded. I never usually played this many minutes. But, with the ball in our hands, tie score, and chance to win the game, I knew I needed to step up.

In a timeout huddle, my coach asked everyone who should get the ball for the last shot. They all agreed to give it to the guy who was hot – me.

With less than 10 seconds I dribbled outside the three point line, my defender staring and anticipating. I remember the next few seconds clearly because they were the slowest of my life.

I dribbled the base line expecting someone to challenge me. The center stepped up but before he could block off the sideline I was around him under the basket, floating in the air.

In that moment I knew I was going to make the shot. I didn’t even need to look back to make sure it went through the net.

We won.

The next game, marked the end of the 40 days and nights challenge. I knocked down 16 points in a blowout of the Patriots. I had turned the corner.

But that night, I went against my better judgement. I decided I had waited long enough. The points I was scoring were just because I was finally playing well. I was finally living up to my potential. They had nothing to do with the bet.

2 minutes later, my life screamed back to normal.

Despite my inflated upper head, the deflated lower head was the winner. The next game I barely got off the board. I returned to the bench.

When we played the Cougars again, the coaches started me hoping to rekindle the magic. But it was gone. I scored 2 points in front of a disappointed home crowd.

Published by

Derek Johanson

The personal blog of Derek Johanson.

26 thoughts on “What Happens When I Don’t Masturbate”

  1. Maneesh – We can’t really be sure because there’s too many variables. But all I know is that once I did the deed, I stopped scoring.

    It’s a funny story regardless.

  2. Haha I actually remember this. Not so much the game but this bet. And yes, all of the family members of that EHS “star” player may be in jail.

  3. I once tried not to not masturbate for 40 days and 40 nights and did so well that I’m still going to this day. This means that I jerk off a lot.

  4. Haha…whats funny is I thought of this too when you announced giving up alcohol and caffeine but I wasnt sure if it was ok to reminisce about your high school jerk-off shenanigans on your blog that your parents and Monica read. Anyways, enjoy your last days down there…

  5. If an old folk can’t appreciate a funny story, then they a) shouldn’t be reading my blog and b) shouldn’t be alive.


    1. you sir, are not only smart but my new role model.
      if you have more stories, you should rival tucker max’s books
      sincerely, a college dude looking for humor with truth mixed in

  6. Shit, Karp and Lyndsay on this site? Glad Derek’s semen could bring us all back together. Also, I’m pretty sure Ms. Hamilton was down to help you lose your bet. That game at Esco will be the single greatest thing i remember from highschool. And it involves my friend’s masterbratory routine. Awesome.

  7. I play handball, and our coach always tells us not to masturbate when the season comes.. and we try to..
    and I do notice my good performance when I haven’t masturbated for a while.. I play better..
    I started working out an year ago.. and also the coach at my gym told me not to masturbate.. or atleast reduce it to maximum once a week.. if I wanted to see good and fast results in my body.. and yeah it’s all true.. Sperm is made of important vitamins, irons, etc.. that our body needs.. ejaculating alot of it will harm ur body..

  8. You’re an excellent writer :) I did hear once that in wing chun, the art that Bruce Lee started with, they teach the same thing, that if you really want to push the limits, you have to hold off on such things, for at least a good while.

    But it makes legitimate sense, right? The less you whack off, the more you need to, the sharper minded and more athletic you become, hence, you’re more likely to attract women, to, um, diffuse the problem.

    Nature is so amazing.


  9. What you discovered here is a little known secret that has been lost to time. You can apply it to anything, physical or mental, and achieve a higher degree of success. The physical component has already been mentioned, loss of minerals and such, but there is a another component that is related to mental functioning. By refraining from downward release you force the energy upwards instead, to your head. In the East this is called Kundalini. Some women can feel this, you become somewhat magnetic to them 😉

  10. If you’re slapping your teammates’ asses, then maybe you’re directing your sexual frustrations in the wrong direction?

  11. Hi Derek!
    I liked your story very much. I could relate it to myself. I had topped all of my classes since nursery till 9th standard. Since, then i hadn’t even experienced ejaculation once. I was invincible in my mental capabilities. I used to get 50 or more marks than the second topper. But then one night, I had ejaculation. Slowly I lost my concentration, my confidence and I am no longer invincible. I developed some sort of disease related to dysgraphia. Still I managed to get into best college in India, IIT (Indian Institute of Technology). But now both you story and my old days have inspired me not to masterbate. And I am improving fast.
    Thank you very much.

  12. It’s funny because this is one of the first things Jesus taught. And in the New Testament it’s brought up quite a few times how it’s better we don’t do it. Surely if God’s giving the thumbs up on not masturbating, we should probably listen lol. Anyway funny blog. Been googling this subject for athletes and it seems to apply for everything really. I definitely feel better when I don’t do it and have way more energy and am happier. And when I give in, all the harsh realities creep back :/.

  13. That is true, sexual drive is actually a form of energy, sexual energy, a life force, a source of your inner strength. Try it, masturbate at night when you need to lift heavy weights in the morning and you will see the difference in your strength versus when you feel horny at night and able to control it.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *