“Persons who go through a great deal of trouble or pain to attain something tend to value it more highly than persons who attain the same thing with a minimum of effort.”
- Elliot Aronson & Judson Mills
Way back in 1959, researchers Aronson and Mills conducted a social psychology experiment in which one group of women had a to experience an embarrassing initiation ceremony in order to gain access to a sex discussion group. Another group didn’t have to endure the initiation.
The women that had the initiation went on to describe the discussion group as extremely valuable, interesting, intelligent, and desirable. The other women recognized the discussion group as “worthless.” And in fact, Aronson and Mills had rehearsed with the group members to try make the discussion as uninteresting and worthless as possible.
The initiation, trouble, and pain of gaining access to the discussion group had functioned to make the group seem more attractive and worthwhile. This same concept explains why the entrepreneur who rises up from poverty values hard-work more than the spoiled heir.
Why This Can Be Dangerous
While there are a lot of things worth enduring pain and suffering for, there are just as many things that aren’t.
You may very well be doing a worthless activity right now (well not right at this moment because this blog is valuable). You might be expending great energies into a project or job that aren’t going to give you great results.
And if you’re not careful, as time goes by, the more effort you put into this activity, the more you’re going to value it.
Recognize the Worthless
If your boyfriend of a month is an alcoholic, it’s probably not worth your time and effort to try and get him to stop drinking. Quit and move on.
If your husband of 20 years suddenly develops a drinking problem after losing his job, then it’d probably be a good idea to expend the effort to help him.
It’s never easy to recognize the activities you’re doing right now that will have no value to you in the future. In the moment, things seem worth it otherwise you wouldn’t be doing them. That’s where testing and evaluation comes in.
Testing & Evaluation
By now everyone knows I’m a big fan of testing and experimenting. By controlling variables and then recording your results, you can figure out what’s working and what’s not.
I think the greatest way to know if an activity or person is worth your effort is to evaluate your happiness. Overall, are there more happy times than sad times. If on a whole something continually stresses you out or makes you upset, it’s time to evaluate if it’s worth it.
How To Get Rid Of The Worthless
Here’s an analogy I’ve stolen from Zen Habits. If there is a hot coal in your hand, don’t hold on to it. Just drop it.
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The Argentine Pick Up Experiment is…picking up. I’ll post all the juicy updates tomorrow for your reading pleasure.
