Live Uncomfortably

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Inside sources - my roommates and several of my new friends - have revealed to me that I give off the gay vibe in South America. I thought they were kidding but when they told me no one laughed.

Here’s what sparks their gay-dar:

1) The way I dress

I’m developing into a bit of minimalist. You’ll notice my sentences are never long. Accordingly, I don’t like a lot of extra material. I like my clothes to fit. This is a big no-no in South America and to some extent in the USA.

It’s difficult for me to understand. It’s evolutionary that women are attracted to wide shoulders and narrow hips. When you wear clothes that fit close to the body you reveal these traits about yourself. Maybe this is why the guys are the only ones who mention the clothing as a problem.

2) My Hair

I was shocked to hear this. I thought I had pretty standard or even bad hair. Not to mention most of the guys here wear a psuedo-mullet. My hair is gay?

I thought about going back to my hair dresser and cussing her out. I told her to give me a standard haircut for men in Argentina. But it’s probably not her fault. She probably thought I was gay.

3) My aggression levels

It’s no secret that South American men are aggressive. They are machismo dudes. Their women haven’t been allowed the freedom our women have. Men can let their testosterone flow. Our women have been given societal power and they expect to be treated as equals.

I lose points on the masculinity scale for not:

a) cat-calling on the street
b) stopping to stare at women’s asses. Four year old boys do this.
c) grabbing women at the bar when I want to talk to them
d) paying for women’s drinks

I think I’m actually gaining positive points with women by not doing these things. The Argentine Pickup Experiment seems to be supporting this viewpoint. When I watch other guys trying to talk to women they grab at them and never get anywhere. Starting conversations with women has been a breeze. Probably because I start the interaction differently than the others.

4) Going Along With Gay Jokes

I don’t get uncomfortable around gay people. But the machismo Argentine guys do. When someone calls me gay I go with it. It’s great to see how bothered Argentines get. By backing out and saying things like, “I’m not fucking gay,” you show that you’re insecure.

Contradictions

The guys who tell me why I’m gay usually go on to describe themselves as fat. This is not uncommon in Argentina. Males and females alike are insecure about their bodies.

Conclusion

Maybe I need to grunt more.